Monday, November 28, 2005

Not Sleeping, Not Shopping

Em’s sick. She has a cold. Not a big deal kind of sick, but hard to breathe at night when she’s lying down. And the post nasal drip is so bad at night she has a constant urge to clear her throat. All night long. And when I hold her, I can feel/hear her stomach churning from all the drip. I can’t think about it too long without wanting to vomit. Poor little bird. I hope she feels better soon.

I can’t sleep. I don’t know what’s going on, but I can’t sleep. I went to bed right around 1:30 last night, but by the time I got back up to get Em some more medicine, helped her change her pull-up, and actually went to sleep, it was probably closer to 2:00. There is no earthly reason for me to wake up at 6:30.

And not just a light wake up, where I could roll over and go back to sleep. No, more the noisy-in-my-head kind where I have to actually get out of bed and start moving.

Maybe it’s the impending finals. They’re beginning to feel like a Sword of Damocles. Fucking school. What am I doing?!

Maybe it’s the final realization that I have way, way, way too much to do in the next 4 weeks and just no where near enough money or time.

Maybe it’s the email I got yesterday—I have a gmail account that I only use for storing stuff, but a few people have that address and use it sometimes. So I logged in yesterday to look for copies of last year’s Christmas card labels and discovered an email that had been sitting there for more than a week. An email that NEEDS a reply because it’s sad and angry. I’ve been sitting on it over night and I think I’m almost ready to respond. I hate it when my friends are hurting.

I miss AJ and Gooch. I miss Michael, too, but I still see him pop up on my IM periodically and suspect he’s going to be part of my life for a while even if he doesn’t update his blog. (And what’s the etiquette about keeping old blog links lingering on the sidebar, anyway?)

But mostly, truly, deeply, I miss Veronica. No old blog lingering. Nothing. I get “The page cannot be found. The page you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable.” If anyone has heard from her, please let me know she’s ok. Please let her know I love her.

My mother is the undisputed catalogue queen. Always has been. I don’t know if she doesn’t like shopping or if she started with the catalogues when she worked nights and didn’t have time to shop, but it’s not unusual for us to receive between 4-7 new catalogues every day in the mail.

As you can imagine, they pile up pretty fast. Sometimes when we know we’ve already received, for example, 4 other Lands End catalogues in the last month, we’ll throw away an incoming, but if it’s something that’s not that common, like maybe Signals or The Vermont Country Store or Gaelsong, then we’ll hang on to them.

Our habit is to peruse through the catalogues, folding down pages where we find stuff we like. Then depending on the time of year (holidays, close to birthday, etc.) we either buy the thing(s) for ourselves, throw the catalogue away, or go back through with a pen and actually mark the items we want—indicating size and color if it’s clothes (which it usually is).

You can see already how this might be at Christmastime. Our dining table, which it not an insignificant size, was taken over by catalogues. Taken over, I say! So last night Mom and I sat together for 2+ hours and went shopping. Well, we decided what to go shopping for. She purchased stuff. I haven’t yet because I don’t have any money. BUT—at least I have everything picked out for Christmas already! And all that’s left to do aside from the online ordering is a quick trip to Target for some Emily stuff.

It’s nice to feel like something’s been accomplished. At least almost accomplished.