Monday, October 04, 2004

Random bits about the weekend & life & stuff...

I’m almost done with the bride’s dress for the wedding on October 30th. It’s really pretty and I’m getting excited about this wedding. I also managed to finish the bridesmaids’ skirts this weekend, so now all I have to do is finish their tops. I was getting nervous about time, but it looks like I’m in good shape here. Whew.

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My dad flew up to Sonoma County this weekend to spend some time with me & Em. He doesn’t keep his IFR rating current though, so he couldn’t fly in on Saturday until after the morning clouds burned off. He got here around 3:00, took me, Em, and my mom out to dinner (very nice!), then put Em to bed for me when we got home. Did the jammies, books and all. After she finally crashed out, he hung out with me & my mom in the sewing room while I worked on the aforementioned bridesmaids’ dresses and my mom worked on Emily’s Halloween costume.

Sunday, my mom made a big ol’ breakfast (yummmm), then we all went to the Sonoma County Harvest Festival at the fair grounds. While there, I ran into my best friend Jena, her husband, & their 2 kids. Loads of fun. The best part of the day was the t-shirt I saw that said, “My grandmother voted in Florida and all I got was this lousy President”. Laughed my ass off over that one!

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I’ve been having some intensely strange dreams lately. My dreams are usually pretty lucid. The kind of things I could normally do—like running into a friend at the grocery or something—but lately they’ve been VERY dreamlike and odd. A little disturbing, in fact.

Saturday night, I dreamed that I was in Las Vegas for the wedding I keep talking about. Many of my family members were there with me, as well as my ex-husband, John. Somewhere in the dream, it became apparent that John had asked me to marry him again and I had agreed. I kept trying to back out of it, but never felt like I had a good enough excuse.

I was saying things like, “But don’t you see, if I marry him now it’ll be much more expensive to divorce him again than it would just to cancel the wedding!” and, “I don’t want to be one of those bizarre statistics about people who re-marry the same person they got divorced from.”

The biggest issue, though, was captured in the phrase, “But he’ll never buy me a diamond. Don’t you see? He’ll never change.” Now, if you don’t know me well, this probably won’t mean much. I’m not big into jewelry, and certainly not diamonds (they’re about my least favorite gem), but it was the symbolism there; the notion that he’d never provide anything to me that showed genuine commitment. Feh, this isn’t coming out right. But it was clear to me in the dream what I meant.

So I told my roommate about it when I got up Sunday morning, then didn’t see her all day (she didn’t come to the fair with us). Last night, she asked me, “Are you thinking of leaving your new job in Tech Writing and moving back to the Legal Department?” Well, no, not really, though some of the folks from Legal have asked me to come back. But I dunno…. “Don’t do it, Aimee!” she yelled. She yelled at me! This is a mild woman who rarely raises her voice, so she had my attention!

She said, “I think your dream is about wanting to go back to the comfort & knowledge you had in Legal, but Honey, they’re never gonna give you the diamonds up there. You’re never going to be recognized the way you deserve to be if you go back there.”

So ok, I won’t go back to Legal. But what am I going to do? I’m sure not happy in Technical Publications. It’s not what I was led to believe it would be; I’m not busy, and I’m not interested, and I’m underutilized (hence the “regular” blogging time!), and even if all those things weren’t true, I’m still not sure I’d *like* what I’m supposed to be doing. Oh drat. How can I be 37 yrs old and still not have figured out my “Career path”? Shoot.

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Had another even stranger dream last night. I'll try to remember it & post it later. It was about my dad dying. ((Shudder)) Very disturbing.